Hip Hooray We Love Aunt Fay!

Okay, with some gentle nudging I was reminded that I have been remiss and here are some sort of recent shots of Nora and the girls. The pom pom pictures are the result of a big box of dollar store wonders that the girls' great aunt Fay sent them in March and it was a great break from the ordinary for the girls to tear into that box of treasures. More about Nora's adjustment and, more problematically, mine in another post.

All girls are princesses

Sheoot, it's cold. We're trapped inside and trying hard to keep everyone occupied and productively engaged. Nora (as she is referring to herself these days) was again the star driveway shoveler, that girls takes a task and just doesn't let go until the job is finished and she really likes the shoveling.
My incredible Ellie organized most of the activities today and princess fashion show just had to be the highlight. Each girl sashayed down the hall and later sang a song of her own choosing acapella style. Too cute, I can hardly stand it. Nora hasn't broken into the Mimi/YuYu joined at the hip action yet. I don't think that will happen until she gets a lot more language. The games Mimi and YuYu play the most involve a lot of imagination and role-playing and Nora just can't do that yet. Just thought you'd like to see my princesses on parade. Talk about a full heart.

Mixed Bag

We've been home for two whole weeks and she still can't speak the English, what's up with that? She must not be trying hard enough. I wish I had kept a blog/journal/something for the other girls, because I'm having these completely delusional memories that YuYu was speaking English by now. I do remember by week nine YuYu told me she couldn't talk to her foster parents on the phone because "I don't speak Chinese." Nora chatters away in Chinese and doesn't seem to get upset that we can't understand most of what she says. She can say "Mama peezy (please)" and "NO." She seems happy most of the time, I think. She sleeps well and she's a good eater. Nora will eat peanut butter sandwiches and for that, I am blessed. Now I have two out of four (although Mimi not reliably) who will eat a peanut butter sandwich, or any kind of sandwich (oooh, that Ellie and her, shall we say selective, eating habits). Nora loves to help, I couldn't get her to stop shoveling the driveway until every inch of ice was chipped and scraped. She adores Ellie, but who doesn't. She started right in at Mimi's preschool and except for a monumental fit this morning and that she HATES to be outside in the cold, she seems to have a good time her teachers think she is doing okay. She is still a puzzle to me because we can't talk. I can only guess at what she wants or likes, sometimes I get it right. I hear MaMA, all the time and I have to infer all her wants and needs from the tone of her MaMA. She seems to like me more and more. She is free with the hugs and wants to sit on my lap. She still doesn't like to be corrected, but is dealing with it a lot better, not as much pouting, but still more than I'm used to. I make sure to use Chinese words when I have to correct Mimi or YuYu so Nora knows that I'm mean to all my kids, not just her. I do a lot of laundry and go through a lot of groceries and I have to remind myself, oh yeah, I've got a big family.
When I think of all the changes she has experienced in the past four weeks, I can't imagine what she is thinking or expecting to happen next and I think she is adjusting and adapting really well. Now, it's up to me to adjust and adapt very well. I think it will come together if I can keep up with the laundry and grocery shopping.

End Days

No apocalyptic pun intended.

I’ve received some gentle prodding (euphemism for get it together and let us know how you are doing at home) to do the trip post-mortem. So, with a heavy heart tonight, I’ll tell the rest of the story. My little grandma died this afternoon, she was one month shy of 95 and lived a hard/good life, but I just thought she would last forever. All five feet two stubborn funny inches of her finally wore out and she left us today. If you have the capacity, please keep my mother in your heart tonight. I just wish Grandma could have met Nora; she would have liked her I’m sure.

The last day in Guangzhou started late. I had finally adjusted to China time and slept until 7:00 am. Then I ran around buying the stuff I swore I wouldn’t buy this time and an extra suitcase to carry the unnecessary stuff home for good measure. The kiddie rides under the raised roadway to the hotel were open this morning. The girls went round and round while I surreptitiously snapped photos of the groups practicing Chinese opera, ball room dancing, some form of martial arts, you name it, there were folks out doing it Wednesday morning. The Chinese winter holiday started last week so there were a lot of kids at the play ground too. I had a lovely conversation with a young man who had taken the Anglo name of LeBron. He wants to go to school at Harvard and become a businessman/conservationist, he’s mad for anything NBA and I think I really disappointed him because I don’t follow sports and only listen to NPR on the radio and couldn’t tell him about my favorite music. I was getting so burned out on photo snapping, that I forgot to get LeBron’s picture.


Most of the families (I don't know if the Myracles got the memo) met for a group photo before boarding the new buses the White Swan recently purchased to cart families back and forth to the new consulate location. As we boarded the spanking new cruiser, I asked Connie if the White Swan had bought the buses to keep the US adoption travelers in its property after the consulate moved off Shamian Island, her look was like, yeah, duh. Oh, and totally off topic, but to those families that have fought for food at the White Swan breakfast buffet, imagine what it would be like if you were the ONLY family in the room from 7:30 am until after 8:00 am like we were on Sunday morning, thank you Kim Jong Il, who says you’re the second most evil dictator in the world?

We jetted over (irony, there is no jetting in Guangzhou, it seems like you go in circles just to get up to the freeway to get off again real soon) to the Tian He (sp?) high rise commercial district where the consulate is now located. And here’s another irony: YuYu’s beloved gege (sounds like guh guh, Chinese for older brother) earned the right to attend a pretty prestigious military academy (equivalent to say the Air Force Academy, not quite West Point) in Guangzhou. His plan to support her when he finished university may have actually worked. For those reading this who have traveled to Guangzhou and stayed on Shamian Island, you may have noticed the trim young men in cheap green uniforms stationed around the island and they march in formation to make shift changes. (And after a wild goose chase to the island security center to find someone who may know gege’s unit and phone number, every inch of that island is on video, so don’t let your baby pee in the bushes (yet another stab at irony, Chinese babies pee anywhere they want to). YuYu’s parents had contacted gege’s instructors to ask permission for YuYu and I to meet him while we were in Guangzhou, but since he is a first year student, he can’t have any visitors unless accompanied by his parents, crap. So there we were at the new consulate and there he was, right across the street standing guard (when not in class and classes were over for the winter holiday) as the Eastern Railway Station, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it, crap. Even if we had time to go poke around, I certainly would not have wanted to get him in trouble while he was on duty.
So they herded all of us into a waiting area (after security screening and much aimless milling) and there must have been what? 100 families, seemed like a mob. It really took a long time, but each parent must be seen by a consular official (even en masse) before the adopted child’s US immigrant visa can be issued because we swear that the information we provided on the immigrant application is true and correct. Then, in an anti-climatic flash, you’re done. All those months of paperwork and waiting, all over in an I do solemnly swear or affirm statement that takes 7 seconds to repeat. But a big relief no matter the lack of ceremony.

Our family and the incredible Myracle family (again, no pun intended, but what a burden Mike carries in his professional life, Dr. Myracle, whew) left straight from the consulate to the airport to catch the 9:00 pm flight back to Los Angeles. This was the Myracles’ third adoption in very few years, and their newest son is named Ben and talk about your contagious laughter, what an adorable kid. Their other children are simply gorgeous too, but this little Ben is certainly a sweet, sweet child, and the fact that he toddled over to me, motioned to be picked up and planted a big wet one on me in the Guangzhou airport has no influence on my opinion of him at all. In a few minutes, Ben liked me a ton more than Nora did/does. I just have to say that the Myracles were like a well-oiled machine, all eight of them passing treats, wipes, juice boxes, diapers, like an Olympic relay team. I want to be the Myracle family when I grow up.

The flight was long, but I know I got some sleep because it seemed like we were over the Bering Strait in a thrice. YuYu slept like a bump and Nora, not so good, but still more than not. When the drink cart came out shortly after take-off, I was all xiao xing (careful), bu yao pun (don’t touch) to Nora with an open cup and then I proceeded to dump her juice all over my lap and down my leg and I finally snapped. Two weeks of living out of suitcases and a child who didn’t like me came down on me hard and I just cried over spilled juice. YuYu was stunned, I know she’s never seen me cry and all I could say was I’m okay, I’m just tired. (Last night I must have said something about being tired and YuYu said, “Mom, you better go to bed before you cry,” so my breakdown had a lasting impression on my sweet girl.)

There were only four adoptive families (only one baby, going home to Roy, Utah, the rest were a little older) on that flight, talk about unusual, so we flew through immigration and when we popped out of customs, we were met by Kim Ma and her 5yo Alex and fresh off the plane 1yo Sydney. Kim and I were in a big group when she adopted Alex and I adopted Mimi in 2001. Kim drove down from Simi Valley for just a few minutes to chat and catch up and I so appreciate her effort. Her Alex is slightly younger than Mimi, but good heck, what a tall tall lovely child. I know she would tower over Mimi, because she towered over YuYu. What a treat to hold little Sydney, such a healthy beautiful baby. Congratulations Kim, you have a wonderful family.

Notice how I conveniently omitted photos from LAX that include me? The power of the blog.

Our flight was a full hour early, so it was great to have the time to chat with Kim before the wonderful and talented Suzanne DeCuir came flying in to scoop us up and take us to her home that is located conveniently near LAX, but there’s no way you would ever know it, such a quiet, great neighborhood. Suzanne brought her mandarin speaking friend Macy with her to help with Nora and that really really was a big help. We got to her house where we found Anna (Ellie’s orphanage buddy), Ellen, same age as Mimi and we traveled two weeks apart in 2001, but Ellen is from Chengdu, Sichuan and Mimi is from Fuling, Sichuan, and the adorable Qing Qing, 2.5, from Fujian (I could be way off on that). The last time we saw the Moody-DeCuirs was at breakfast in LA in November 2004 when we flew back with YuYu and Qing Qing was new to their family too. All the girls fell to playing and I fell on the wonderful Thai food Suzanne knows how to order. Then Patrick got home from work and it was great to see him and he ate a late dinner and we had a good visit. They gave us the master bedroom, but all I did was go in and turn out the lights, never got close to the actual bed. YuYu played all night long with the Moody girls’ toys and Nora had a 1.5 hour nap around 1:00 a.m. We disrupted their entire family routine just to sit in their front room and play with their toys until 5:00 am when we left for the airport. Thank you again Patrick and Suzanne for your home away from home for a night.

I’m glad I had snapped the day before over spilled juice, because those of you who saw my shameful display at the immigration counter in 2001 know I can get ugly during my end of trip snaps. If I hadn’t snapped earlier, I might have unleashed two weeks of ugly combined with good coffee deprivation on the s.o.b. who wouldn’t give me his aisle seat (we ticketed late and all of LA was dumping into Park City for Sundance that morning and our seats were split). I had a bag of McDonalds and I said, fine, you feed them breakfast and that one doesn’t speak English, but he would not budge. When the aisle seat in the row behind got off her cell, I asked if she would mind taking the middle seat so stretch (I did not say stretch, but good hell, he was all of 5’6” on a 1.5 hour flight, how important is that aisle seat) could maintain his seating status and she very graciously agreed. The kids became comatose in minutes (it was 8:30 pm China time). We landed in SLC and it was really hard to wake YuYu and we rode the moving sidewalks to the luggage area with YuYu weeping big juicy tears and Nora with wild child of Borneo hair and if those creative types from Sundance didn’t see a movie in that little vignette, then they need to find a new profession.

Grandma stayed with us Thursday evening and Nora and YuYu slept a little. Nora only wanted Grandma and sure she’s great, I like her too, but hey, Nora had only just met her and I’d been trying to get her to like me for two weeks. When Grandpa came to get Grandma on Friday evening, Nora laid by the front door and sobbed for 10 minutes until distracted by Ellie. I put her in bed withme at 10:00 pm and she sobbed herself to sleep, Wai Po, Wai Po, Wai Po (maternal Grandma in Chinese and I know it meant her new Grandma, she didn’t have a foster grandma, she had a foster grandpa). Ellie was at a slumber party (they had postponed it two weeks to make sure Ellie could be there, so I HAD to take her), but called at 11:00 pm to say she was fine (the other girls were calling their parents, I wish the party mom hadn't allowed that). That woke Xiao Ye up from her nap and she cried, cried, cried, cried, cried for the next five hours. But she went from crying as far away from me as possible to letting me hold her hands, to letting me hold her, but swear to God, she never stopped crying, tears and everything for five hours. I was impressed, exhausted but impressed. At 4:00 am, Mimi was whining (too lazy to get up to pee), so I went and helped her and remembered the Benadryl and dosed Xiao Ye and the next thing I knew it was 8:00 am and I had slept, really slept for 4 hours. Xiao Ye woke up happy enough, no more crying, she let me touch her and help her get dressed and that's a big change. She made it until 6:00 pm on Saturday before she crashed, 6:30 on Sunday and almost 7:30 tonight. Her clock is almost reset. She loves loves loves playing with her new sisters and she has a cute way of touching the top of her head and asking “wo de?” mine? When given something new to hold or play with. She loves loves blue jeans and insists on sleeping in them. What the heck, why not?

I took the kids to school this morning and then took Mimi to drop her off at Montessori. Nora sat right down in the calendar circle with Mimi and it took several attempts to get her to go with me. My Mom was supposed to watch her this week, but with my grandma’s imminent demise, Mom was in Logan where she needed to be and I took Nora to the office with me. Within 15 minutes she was crying for Mimi. I asked a Chinese speaking friend who works in my building to explain that I could take her to Mimi but that I could not stay. She brightened right up. I took her back to Montessori at 10:30 am and she was absolutely happy (but loud, not the Montessori way, but she’ll learn, I hope) until 3:30 pm, the kid does pre-school like a pro. Thank you Half the Sky Foundation.

And you know, she is a great kid. Sure, she doesn’t like me all that very much yet, but she did yell Ma MA when I got her attention in the play yard this afternoon and ran off to play some more, but she seemed happy to see me. She has no idea what a mother is good for, how to use me to her best advantage, but she will catch on. She is a tease and is funny and plays rough, so what a nice spice to add to the Hanson girl line-up; Ellie the calm and adaptable, YuYu the tender-heart, still waters running deep, Mimi, the odd-ball, goofy princess, and Nora Xiao Ye, the exuberant scamp. There will actually have to be some conscious effort on my part to promote bonding and attachment, but I can do that. I am glad for the opportunity to be her parent and I hope to do the role justice.

I have camera fatigue, so there’s no at home photos yet, I’ll update in a few days when I can get some good kids pics.

Best Wishes for a Strong Net

Okay, I'm trying hard here to gather my thoughts and observations about Xiao Ye dze (not sure how to spell that last sound, but it’s a diminuitive, like Margarita or Pepito in Spanish) and that's what I've been calling her, emphasis on Ye, Shou YEH dze. In my mind I'm picturing the Disney animated version of Pecos Bill trying to lasso the whirlwind. She's a beautiful child, but she swears like a sailor. She curses out strangers, you should die, you're a pig, etc. (Connie caught her telling a man passing on the sidewalk this evening that he should die, I wondered why he looked at her so sharply). On the other hand, she saved the last bite of White Swan Deli bun for YuYu on the bus today. Everything she touches is "wo de" or mine, but she is consistent about turn taking and hands the room key to YuYu if I make a mistake and it isn't her turn yet. She wants me to buy everything she touches, but if I say no, she puts it back and moves on. She started to stamp her feet and was almost beginning a temper tantrum because I picked up stray coins she had gathered at a temple but left on a bench (you throw the coins in a big, tall iron thing for good luck) and gave half to YuYu. I got them back from YuYu explaining that I couldn't tell Xiao Ye why I divided them. I put them all in Xiao Ye's hand and she calmed right down and instantly gave all the coins right back to YuYu.

She has never known behavioral boundaries and I want to choke the sob who taught her how to swear. News flash sob, it's not cute on a four year old. But it’s been 9 days now and I can correct her when she makes a bad choice and she doesn't mope or sulk or run away from me. She doesn't necessarily prefer me to other people yet, she chose Lisa Seppi's lap after dinner tonight, but at least she will sit in my lap now and today after breakfast, she sat there for a long nice time. She held my hand all the way to and from dinner and that’s a really big change from last week. She consistently yells for Ma MA when she wants my attention instead of just grunting like before. But she does still just grunt a lot like when the waiter tried to remove her glass from the table tonight and she didn't want him to. She didn't say no, she just loudly and sharply grunted at him. She is still very very loud, that may take a long time to change. She just yells, a lot. She is very very very outgoing and strikes up conversations with bell boys and shop keepers right and left. She grabs the phone out of my hand to talk to her sisters and grandma that she has never met, but she wants to say hello. I have to beg YuYu to take the phone to talk to her grandma and I know that YuYu adores that woman.

YuYu explained to Grandma that she thought that Grandma would like Xiao Ye, "but it takes time." I think YuYu is right. It isn’t instant love this time, no fire works like I had for my babies or the need I felt to envelope YuYu in warmth because she was so sad. Xiao Ye is a spitfire and she wants things her own way, and you know, you’ve got to love that in a kid. Tonight, after several attempts, she allowed me a good night kiss when I put them to bed, so I think I’m growing on her. I know she will grow on me, I just wish I could see the net a little more clearly as I fall into this strange realm of mothering a child who doesn’t want it yet and kind of really resents the restrictions it imposes on her previous orphan about town lifestyle.


Tomorrow we hit the consulate in the afternoon and off to the airport right after. This will be my last post from China. I’ll try hard to update after we’ve been home a few days, but no guarantees on timeliness.

Oh Chinese kids aren’t making the peace sign; the fingers in a “v” symbolize the upturned corners of a smiling mouth. The “v” is the equivalent of saying “cheese.”

Travel Soup

I've driven these poor little girls like cattle for the past three days and it's worn me out too. You might have noticed that the blog got a little weak lately. We hit the Six Banyan Temple, the Guangzhou Temple, the Tomb of the Nanyue King, the White Cloud Mountain Park, the Pearl River cruise, the Chen Family Academy and pearl shopping too. And there's still a lot more I would have liked to fit in, but since we're leaving tomorrow, that won't be possible. My check book is starting to scream a little any way so it's just as well. YuYu just keeps trooping along, no melt downs, some small complaining, but I've been so proud of her endurance. Xiao Ye doesn't know the difference or that she has the right to complain. Each time I start to get ready to go again, she just gets her jacket and purse without being asked and she's ready to go again too. She even helps me locate the room key or stuff snacks in the back pack. The last time we were in Guangzhou in 2004, it was just us, no other families and we just didn't push the touring issue and wandered around Shamian Island a lot. This time, if the bus was pulling out, I wanted to be on it and I dragged the girls along too. Guangzhou is a huge and ancient city and if you could ever see the sky line, I'm sure it would stretch for miles. It really will be a long time before I pass this way again and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any opportunities to see what I could see.

Fellow Travelers

One of the best aspects of adoption travel is being present when new families are made and/or new family members are welcomed. Here are some photos of my fellow travelers that the CHI online family might recognize. I won't divulge their identities on this public forum, but each one is a treasure and their parents are beaming. And of all the babies pictured above, one little stinker will not let her mom get much face time. Hard to understand because Lisa Seppi, is a lovely, lovely woman, oops, forget I said that, you didn't hear it here.

If its Saturday, it must be Guangzhou

Our flight from Nanning was delayed, who knows why, so we arrived in Guangzhou about an hour late, but it was okay because the other families flying in from the hinterlands hadn’t arrived yet either. We were met be Connie Er, our wonderful Guangzhou guide from last year, and again, what a relief to see a familiar face and have complete confidence in her ability to drag me through the last stages of the paper work. Then we met Heather (Park City) and Heidi and Marcus (New York City), their other sister Rebecca and mom Gloria fresh off the boat from Nanchang with two of the cutest cousins (Heather and Heidi are sisters) you’ve seen. Then Coni and Keith Gann, their daughter Jaden and new daughter Jadra from list 10? Very beautiful girls. We wound our way through the Guangzhou airport (HUGE airport) to the bus and as we boarded, Connie called the White Swan to see what day we could move back in from the other hotel we were being diverted to and found out that we did not have to be diverted, that Elvis had left the building (and hey, that’s pretty close, have you seen Kim Jong Il’s hair cut?) and we drove straight to five star heaven instead, whew and yay. I am SO glad we didn’t have to check into a different hotel for two nights, that would have been a royal pain. I cannot BELIEVE that I’m in the White Swan again. When I left here in 1998, I truly never considered a return trip, didn’t cross my mind, at all, really, not a hint in hell that I’d be checking it with my fourth daughter eight years and many gray hairs later. And I know that was only last Saturday, two days ago, but as I sit here and type, good lord, what did we do with the rest of that day? It all runs together. Well, looking through the photos, we must have eaten at the White Swan deli and wandered around a little and then crashed. But she didn’t cry for her foster mother that night, so we’re making progress.

Nora is tolerating me by now, but sure hates to be corrected. I’ve got the bu yao(no), bu yao pun (don’t touch), bu yao le (yuck, don’t touch), bu yao na yang (you can’t do that), and ting (stop) flowing trippingly off my tongue by now. She really knows no boundaries. But after I’ve corrected her, and especially if I make her apologize, she wants as far away from me as possible. Four years in the orphanage and then just five months with her foster family took some of the edge off her, but not by much. In the Nanning airport she was talking to everyone and one man in particular was trying to keep her engaged and entertained. She climbed up on his lap and talked to him and pinched his stomach for whatever reason. A few minutes later, after she grabbed a sticky treat from our bad, she walked back over to him and wiped her fingers on his pants. I just died. I made her sit in a chair until she would say sorry (dui bu qi), but she did NOT want to capitulate and when she finally did, it was mumbled and VERY insincere and I was persona non grata for a long time after. The people watching us in the airport probably thought I was a monster, but that sort of stuff really can’t be tolerated even though her world is topsy turvy right now, that kind of behavior will never be right under any circumstances. Judge Hornak, if you’re reading this, please consider mitigating circumstances when she stands before you in juvenile court about ten years from now, e.g., very hard beginning in life, deprived childhood, controlling mother, you know the drill. Your understanding and tolerance will be very much appreciated, but don’t go to light on her, she needs to learn that there are consequences for bad behavior and if I haven’t driven it home by then, it’s up to you. You’ll have to pick up the baton if it turns out I managed to drop it and we’re looking at you from the wrong side of the courtroom. Of course, all in jest. Kim would have to recuse herself if Nora showed up on her docket. HA, you thought it might be in jest because Nora won’t ever land in juvenile court. HA, guess again. I’ll be totally gray by the time this last little bird flies from the nest, totally and completely gray and exhausted.

YuYu's parents

When we were with YuYu's parents in their housing complex for dinner, we learned that there are several other families in the complex who also foster Nanning SWI kids. One neighbor dropped in after dinner and I learned that she had fostered five girls. I asked, through Matthew, if the girls parents kept in touch with the SWI and provided updates on the girls. I watched her face crumble into tears as Matthew translated the question. No, she had no idea where the girls were or how they were doing. The first child she fostered was very special to her. She fostered the child for 10 months over five years ago and still thought of her daily and was still grieving the loss. I told her that I would send a message to the Nanning SWI egroup if she could give me the child's orphanage name, date of birth and adoption date. She was so grateful, I so hope someone will know this girl or better yet, that her parents are on the egroup and will respond to her heartfelt request for information.
The next day when we dropped YuYu's parents off at their home after visiting the zoo, there were two more foster mom's with photos and information about some of the girls they fostered. If you are reading this and your child was adopted from a foster care placement, run to your mailbox with new photos of your child to send to the orphanage to be passed to the foster mothers. These women loved your children until you were given the privilege of becoming their permanent parents. Without being too melodramatic, they are desperate for news of your girls. Figure it out, join your SWI egroup, click into Adele Hall's website for addresses (www.blessedkids.com), contact your agency for help, whatever it takes, get the packages in the mail.

YuYu's mom and dad met us in the lobby Saturday morning and rode in the van to the airport to say good-bye. We had to say good-bye to YuYu's grandma at the hotel because she was taking care of the new baby Xiao Zhen (YuYu's mom) started fostering (a private arrangement, family is too busy to care for the child, Matthew said it is common in China to let other people raise your child, unfathomable, but it's China). That was so hard to pull away from the curb with her grandma watching us leave knowing that she will most likely never see YuYu again in her lifetime. YuYu was nine months old when she went into foster care and very thin and sickly. Her grandma practices traditional Chinese medicine and is convinced that she brought YuYu back to good health and cured her Hepatitis. Although YuYu never had hepatitis, either the medicine or the love and attention made a difference in YuYu's life and I owe her grandma more than I can repay.
I still can hardly write a word about YuYu's parents without getting weepy. They adore this child and so do I. YuYu was matched and was supposed to have been adopted in October 2001, she would have been 14 months old. But then there was 9/11 and no one ever came for her and her parents weren't told why. Then her blood work was interpreted incorrectly and her mom had to take her in four more times for blood draws and it was all unnecessary and made Xiao Zhen angry and so sad that they were hurting her baby and she couldn't say no to the requests. Then the years went by and they loved her more and more deeply and started to worry about her future. They asked the SWI about the possibility of adopting her, but were "told a high cost." Their teenage son came up with a plan: he would do well in school and go to university to earn a good career position. His parents only had to support YuYu until he could get a good job to take over her support. Then they got the news that I was coming for her and they told me that they were not unhappy, but relieved. They told me they were content for her future and were only concerned that I would love her. On the ride to the airport, Xiao Zhen was holding YuYu and she had not shed a tear up until now. Then, with tears falling down her face, she reached for my hand across the bench seat and Matthew said that she wanted me to know that she could stop worrying about YuYu. She stood and watched us go through security, me crying, of course, YuYu unaware, until we couldn't see her anymore. The loss and gain of adoption, the pain and joy, all in her eyes. There will be three mothers who will always be thinking of YuYu.